ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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