I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
