he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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