I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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