Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
