i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
