she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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