Im at strip club and am horny
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize