I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
