bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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