I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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