member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
