the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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