he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just shotgunned beers for America
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize