Moan for me like Helen Keller
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
