tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize