even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was born a porn star she said
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
