roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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