I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize