I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
