I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
