she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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