So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
