why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
