YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
