so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
