don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
