What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize