i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
