I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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