You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
