Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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