I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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