yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
