no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
