Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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