I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize