She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
