im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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