That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
