If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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