The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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