dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
