i permit you to call me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
