I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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