Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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