Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
