I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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