How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
