No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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