Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize