Ambien. No doubt about it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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