I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
