hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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