i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
