Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
