so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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