remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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