i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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