so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The ass gains better be worth it
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