All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
