I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His hands were made for my vagina.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize