My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
