She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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