dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
