Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
