I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize