Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
