After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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