Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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