My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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