I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
