woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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