he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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