I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
