The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
