I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
