Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
