you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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