if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
