my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize